Fancy Abraham Lincoln's bust carved out of coal? Or a bag filled with "1,000 excited monsters"? Eight inch tall, "totally lifelike " lizards, squids and geckos? Or just squeaking pickles and a roll of CRIME SCENE tape?
Then you want the catalogue of Archie McPhee: the one-and-only site which sells packets of glow worms with espresso and burning cigarette keyrings. The always-crowded store itself is filled with funny signs ("All saints on sale"; "Campus Cutie Statues: Get the Complete Set!"),and is quite a landmark. One description captures a taste of the ambiance:
"Thousands - maybe millions - of weird and wonderful toys & novelties, under one roof... the amazing Glow Chamber filled with everything that glows, from skeletons to miniture Madonnas... the Tiki Hut, with indoor waterfall, leopardskin decor, and astounding selections of nostalgic candies. Gaggles of gargoyles! Vats of vermin! Buckets of body parts! All at Archie McPhee!"
But their global catalogue is stuffed with the same items and, additionally, with amusing testimonials.
Sample:
"My old shrink was 100 an hour and rather dull. My new one has such a sliding scale that he'll take stuff from your catalogue as payment."
or
"I made a tableau on top of my computer terminal with Ultra Dinos from my Suprise Package. The Excited Monsters made nifty tail warmers amd hand puppets for the larger dinosaurs. Thanks just for existing!"
Who could resist an index which begins with "Alligators and Crocodiles" and ends, simply, "Treasures"? (In between you'll find treats ranging from Fighting Nun Hand Puppets to statuettes of Lincoln carved out of coal). Archie runs an excellent mail order service (orders are processed within three days max) and they even offer Gift Certificates.
In addition: if your order exceeds 35, you get a Free Gift. (Minimum orders are 10).
Within the US, call US 206-782-2344 (between 8:30am-4:30pm Pacific Time) or fax your orders to US 206-782-9413 (faxes can be sent at any time). Within the US, including Alaska and Hawaii, shipping and handling charges (covered in the ctatalogue) range from 4.95 (for orders from 10-30) to 9.95 (for orders of 75 and up). For handling charges outside the USA, you call or fax.
Copies of the catalogue cost 2; phone or fax to check any postal charge which is needed outside the USA. Then send the to Archie McPhee, PO Box 30852, Seattle, WA 98103-0852 USA.
You can be as excited as the monsters!
CYNTHIA ROSE: REAL TIME HOT TIPS 