In The Dock

This month a special court was put into session. It's aim? To bring to justice heinous crimes against youth culture. This month GBH on music.
  • The Accused: Jamiroquai.
  • The Charge: Not being black.
  • The Defence: He's white.
  • The Prosecution: He's white.
  • Verdict: Guilty.
  • Sentence: A Davy Crocket hat and a Shirley Bassey A-Cappella album.
  • The Accused: East 17
  • The Charges: Unbecoming hard-man posturing.
  • The Defence: Meant to be a hip version of Take That.
  • The Prosecution: Not as hard as Take That, anyway.
  • Verdict: Guilty.
  • Sentence: Publication in Smash Hits of photos of East 17's Hampstead home, next door to Suede and the revelation that their real dog is a cute golden retriever puppy called Bubbles.
  • The Accused: Lenny Kravitz.
  • The Charges: Being Lenny Kravitz.
  • The Defence: No defence, m'Lud.
  • The Prosecution: I rest, m'Lud.
  • Verdict: Very guilty.
  • Sentence: Restraining order preventing him from going within one mile of any recording studios or celebrity photo-opportunities.

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