Hey! Cheer Up!

25 Circumstances That Might Bother You More Than The Boredom Of Your Existence

  • Your specially trained dog might not eat your home work.
  • Sonia could have won the Eurovision song contest.
  • A fox could sneak up on your house in the wee hours and eat your rabbit (true story).
  • You still haven't figured out how Josie ended up in the knob of the drawer in Twin Peaks.
  • The DHSS could forget you exist. Ditto the NHS.
  • You could be in Guns'n'Roses.
  • You could become a world class sports person and have nothing to show for it but a messy divorce and a serial killer for a number one fan.
  • Danny Baker could get his own TV show again. (oops!)
  • Instead of Richard Linklater, John Hughes could have directed Slacker with a cast built mainly from the Culkin clan.
  • Your parents might have lived down wind of the Nevada nuclear tests of the fifties
  • You might find out that a world-wide coalition of governments regularly invents new conspiracy theories to keep angry intellectuals off the streets and in the libraries.
  • Jim Morrison might not have died.
  • You could be a cab driver stationed outside the Holiday Inn Sarajavo.
  • Robert De Niro might not shake off his current movie slump.
  • Your Walkman might chew up your copy of AMC's "Mercury" minutes after buying it.
  • The council might knock down your favourite dual carriageway to make way for woodland.
  • You still haven't decided whether Coke or Pepsi is better (out of all the political issues, this is one you just can't sit on the fence about).
  • Your part time job bottling vitamins has caused your eyebrows to fall out.
  • Your brother might position a large, rather powerful magnet next to your audio and video cassettes.
  • A law may be introduced forcing Kebab store owners to display exactly where they get their "meat" from.
  • You might not live to see the fall of the house of Windsor (unlikely).
  • Your children might grow up to be just like you, but by then you'll have transformed into your parents.
  • Sky TV might never repeat the episode of the Simpsons where the Krusty doll stalks Homer, "Hello fatboy! Aaagh!"

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